June 2012
May 2012
- Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
- Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
- Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
- Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
- Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
- Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
- Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
- Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
- Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
- Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
- Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
- Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
- Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
- Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
- Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
- Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
harry potter and the crazy ass rock
harry potter and the hogwarts basement
harry potter and the guy who went to jail
harry potter and the big ass fire cup
harry potter and the secret club no one can know about
harry potter and the vandalized textbook
harry potter and the triangle circle stick
who wants to be a part of the pluto fandom
Listen
Remember:Daleks are cruel
Daleks are vicious
Daleks are thoughtless, genocidal destroyers of worlds.
But, first and foremost,
Daleks are British.
The single best thing a Dalek has ever said.
The Perfect Friend
- Me: hey what's up perfect friend?
- Perfect Friend: Oh not much, I just got done skydiving into a camp of assassins. I eliminated all of them and I'm totally down to teach you my kick ass moves if you're up for it. Also, I've brought you a tray of McDonald's chicken nuggets with hot mustard sauce.
Florida, this is why we can’t have nice things.fucking Florida totally would start the zombie apocalypse
Florida just keeps fucking up
That moment when you really want to be friends with someone.
BUT YOU’RE TOO DAMN SOCIALLY AWKWARD.
